My body so free
Floating within the air
bouncing from cloud to cloud
I take a sip and gulp the pill down
Each part of my body turns to stone
First my legs get hard and heavy
Pulling me down from the sky
Then my stomach starts to harden
It is now empty except for the stone
That blocks any feeling from entering
Then my heart starts to turn to stone
Rendering me emotionless
All happiness all feelings of joy are frozen
I try to chisel away at them
In the attempts to reach the joy that once existed
In spite of my efforts my heart is too hard to break through
My brain is the last thing the stone reaches
Slowly my thoughts are taken away from me
All creative sparks that once were are turned into a machine
A machine that works with no thought
Cold and lifeless, actions are completed
Without a thought at all
Hours later the stone begins to crumble
Slowly thoughts come back
The joy returns
I am no longer empty inside
I am flowing with creativity and spirit
I am MYSELF
Comment or post a smiley face below if you liked this or if you can relate to it, it took me a while to write :)
That is a beautiful poem. I can feel the pain you are in by taking the medication and just had to comment. I am an adult w/ADHD and have 2 kids w/ADHD (3rd and youngest I'm still not sure about quite yet but she does have several ADHD symptoms so we shall see). I think its wonderful you have started this blog and I guess I have a couple of questions I can think of. I am on medication - diagnosed w/adhd as an adult after our son was dxd at age 7. Medication has changed my life for the better so its hard for me to understand why you feel so bad. My son's psychiatrist says ADHD meds shouldn't change your personality - which happened w/my son on a couple of meds. Very flat and just not himself, very zombie like. We took him off those meds.
ReplyDeleteDo your parents know you feel this way on your meds? And how are you off of them as far as functioning at school and home especially? Do you do other therapies - social skills groups? counseling? for example? I also wanted to ask you if you would be willing to talk w/my son (he is 12 1/2yrs old) about his adhd and struggles. He has always been pretty open w/me (more than dad - he's kind of a momma's boy ) and will tell me how he is feeling. But I wonder if he's starting to hold back a little since he is entering teenage years. So didn;t know if he might like connecting with someone more his age to talk with. Having said that though we (his dad and I) are concerned about him talking to people on line we don't actually know. This is all new to me.
Thanks! Don't get me wrong medication has changed me academically and behaviorally. I've tried going without medication, but it impaired my ability to focus in class and behave properly.I have talked to my parents about this,and we have tried different meds, but all of them have given me this "zombie" feeling. But i definitely cannot go without the meds. I have not gone to any social skills groups, i have gone to a psychologist though. I would love to talk to your son! And i understand the fear of your child talking to someone you don't know, i use to try and go on ADHD chat rooms and my parents hated it cause it is kind of sketchy on there so i created this blog where i can talk. The teenage years are hard and going through them with ADHD makes it even harder having someone to talk about it with is crucial and at least for me its hard to talk with my parents about much of it anymore. If you want i could give you my email and he could email me or i could give you my cellphone number and he could text me. Whatever you feel comfortable with.
ReplyDeleteThat's a beautiful poem :)
ReplyDeleteI don't see any more posts after September. Write more poems or stories.